Tip: Browse to the end of this journal for two FYIs.

China was a violent mixture of beauty, kindness, a heavy military occupation and heartbreak. Beauty because of the landscapes, the mountains, the tea fields, the sprawling infinity found in looking at something as ancient as the Great Wall engulfing your entire vision. Kindness found in shaking hands of strangers as I asked people in broken Mandarin where to find places, as taxi drivers never once harmed me even while I wandered the cities alone at night, as people would invite me to their home and proudly show me the things they own, the small pieces of treasure that have come to define their wealth and pride. The military occupation was due to the 20 year anniversary of Tiananmen Square, which I was there to witness. Having my bags checked when walking alone. Having them look at the last pictures I took on my camera. Apparently I was the only one in my group who was that looked after, but there were also cameras everywhere and soldiers spread out through out Beijing in early June. Heartbreak because I can now understand the Chinese culture, and see how they view their lives. It isn't all negative, but for instance, all the college classes have political thought classes that are even still very censored and they are not allowed to even learn about what happened in Tiananmen in them. They are told that it was basically individuals trying to cripple revolution and progression for the country. I used to blame them for not causing an uprising to free themselves. But I've seen the censorship, I read the articles of blatant lies. I know about the executions still practiced, how rebellious journalists will be 'disappeared' at times, how foreigners are still sometimes put in work labor camps (granted, it is much more common to see this happen to a Chinese citizen, however). People say China is better because of the economy doing so well and I do agree that they are moving in a more Western position, which I do not necessarily think makes them 'better'. The economy improving has increased jobs and made many places have better living situations, but the corruption is still as strong as ever. There is a 5 second delay on all live TV, and anything involving the massacre in 1989 was quickly censored and made to look black. While browsing the internet, my connection would be shut off if I googled too many questionable topics for my history class (we discussed Tibet).

I can honestly say many Chinese people do not understand the scope of what has happened in Tibet, and all the news about it they have access to is heavily censored and positive.

I visited a Daoist Temple, the Lingyin Buddhist Temple, the Simatai part of the Great Wall which still has original bricks from the Ming dynasty, went zip-lining off of the Great Wall (I was the only one who did), saw West Lake Impressions, the Yu Yuan Gardens from the Ming Dynasty in Shanghai, went to the Forbidden City and Tiananmen Square, The Silk Market, The Underground Market, an old river boating village, etc. I stayed in Hangzhou, but visited Shanghai twice and spent my last week in Beijing.

I've walked away from that country extremely humbled, a little frightened and even more determined to -do something-.

That and many of the people from my study abroad group cheated on their loved ones at home. As I had just found out my boyfriend was married and had multiple girlfriends in different states prior to me flying to China, I really didn't enjoy the reminder of how little respect remains in commitment.

Yet coming back here brought back all my normal worries. I'm going to be $12,000 in debt for an ASSOCIATES degree, and that about breaks my pride in half. I found an apartment in Huntsville, for $475 a month all utilities included, and I'm using a good portion of my loans to pay for it. I move in August. At the end of this year, I will have lived in six different places. I am exhausted. Yes, I have a job, but as a full-time student trying to make all As in order to get into a better Uni, I don't have much time to spend elsewhere. I had been accepted in U of H, but the plans fell through when I found out how little aid I was getting. $12,000 may be a lot but at least it isn't $20,000 for a year (I pay out-of-state tuition). I'm going to try to get into UT, Rice or Wesleyan.

I hope everyone has done well while I was out of the country. I look forward to browsing through everyone's business. XD I'll probably destroy people's galleries with comments/favorites after Tuesday (last day of Chinese class).

FYIs:

I now post videos of me on youtube reading poetry. I've only added two so far, but I fully intend to read several and then a few of my favorite writers on dA. Click here to see me reading Sylvia Plath, and here to see me reading Charles Bukowski.



Of course I had to throw a peace sign and wear a tie dye shirt in front of Chairman Mao. Come on now. Ya'll know me.


Before I was allowed in the country, this guy took my temperature to make sure I wasn't ill or had swine flu!